Constructive Criticism?

 http://vi.sualize.us/foreverlame/

I was giving a speech and I was able to look up from my note cards for the first time in my speaking career. I was so impressed with myself, but as I was scanning the crowd I saw one girl looking at me with disgust in her face. I was explaining a very depressing story and my mind was on power mode, so I just assumed she was upset about the story. The face didn't go away throughout the speech, so I stopped looking in her direction and didn't take it to heart. It wasn't till I got back to my seat that I finally realized the reason for the face. She was mad about the critique I had given her own speech the week before.

I wasn't trying to be mean, or picky, but she must have been really offended by what I wrote on her speech critique. I couldn't find much wrong with her speech, but I've been taught in high school to give some form of constructive criticism and not just praise people on what the they did well. Teachers told me people don't grow from only praise, but maybe they were wrong. I've always learned the most from what people have said I did wrong then what they said I did right. Is this one of those cases like the quote above. Was I just saying something mean, but expecting her to not get offended because it was just a critique? Should I just forget about the bad and sugar coat the good? I'm not saying she had to listen to my criticism, but I was just trying to tell her what I thought she could work on for the next two speeches in class. I only said she did one thing wrong, and I told her everything else was perfect. I just don't think I deserved the stink eye for giving my opinion. I'm not mad at the people who told me I seemed nervous during my speech, or said I didn't make enough eye contact. I also don't get mad when people give me their opinions on how to improve my writing. I know I'm not perfect and I take classes to improve my skills.  Maybe some people just don't know how to take in some criticism and ignore the rest. 

I'm so confused, so I'll ask you. Can constructive criticism ever be taken without offense? Was I justified in pinpointing something she did wrong, or would doing that just hurt her feelings? I once had a girl tell me that a drawing I did of myself looked nothing like me, but not to be offended. I was offended of course, and I don't ever want to make someone feel the way that girl made me feel. I know communication is powerful in all forms, so please help me learn how to use it in a helpful, non-offense way. 

Having the Option

Billie Jean King

I grew up in an athletic family with two brothers, and the one thing puzzled me about them was how they could get so into sports. We had about five board games that dealt specifically with sports trivia. They seemed to know every answer, but my sister and I couldn't begin to pretend we had a chance of getting any questions right. I love playing sports, but I never had an interest in keeping up with the professional leagues. It's not that I was mad at them for having that interest; it's just that I wanted to know why I didn't care. I wonder what made me not enjoy collecting baseball cards, choosing a favorite team to keep track of, or picking a favorite athlete. I think I have finally figured it out. Since I never felt I had the option to become a professional softball player (my favorite sport) I never cared what the professional male athletes were doing, and I think a lot of women have that same mindset. 

My brother's dream job is to be a professional baseball player, and a lot of boys do grow up believing they will go pro in their best sport. Sure the chances are slim to none, but at least they can dream and aspire for that goal. I wonder if guys ever get the feeling of not wanting something because social norms say that it's not their place. If I wanted to be a professional baseball player people would laugh and say that's impossible. Not having the belief that I could go on to a higher level had made me throw the idea of trying for it completely out of the picture. It wasn't until my senior year of high school in my elective history class that I realized women had to defy boundaries in sports just to get to where they are today. We learned about Billie Jean King who fought for equality in women sports by defeating Bobby Riggs. She proved gender shouldn't matter, but skill should. She also believes that sports should have men and women playing on the same team, not against each other to prove a point. Her story reminded me that women shouldn't just accept where we are now with sports equality. The opportunities girls have today involve the Olympics and a few professional sports that often don't get a lot of attention, or they make the athletes dress really skimpy just to get attention. There is so much more that can changed and improved on, so women can't stop fighting.

It can be argued that men are naturally stronger than women, which is a valid point, but some men are also weaker than some women. There has to be some balance that allows sports to stay as competitive as they are now but still involve women. I can't say I have the answer to this dilemma, but I can encourage people to keep braking down the boundaries that hold our culture back. A lot of good ideas come from people with a dreams to change how everyone views the world. Don't just accept something because that the way it is, accept it once you know you've done everything in your power to change it. Who knows what tennis and women's sports would look like today if Billie Jean King never took any action. Who knows what the world will look like if you never take action on something you believe in. The power is in our hands to change the future and we can't take that responsibly lightly, because we don't know what we are capable of unless we challenged old ideas.

Power Changes Everything

After watching and reading about some very power hungry people my mind flashed back to my high school sociology class. I remembered learning about the Stanford Prison Experiment. It was all about how when good people where in positions of power they became awful because they felt they where just playing the roles they were told to play with no responsibility. They were considered evil because they were emotionally hurting the people that they were ruling over in real life and that didn't stop them. The experiment was suppose to go on for two weeks, but it ended up being shut down after six days because it became too real. I always thought this was so true based off of the coaches I've had to deal with in my life.

Coaches seem to think that leading by fear is the only way to get any respect from there players. Coaches think they have to physically and emotionally drain their team until the players become the perfect athletes their coaches have always dreamed of claiming. They think it is okay to be evil and mean because these are not their real personalities, just the ones they put on to coach. I understand that coaches can't be pushovers, but I don't understand why some do not respect their players at all. You show respect to get respect, but for some reason that doesn't apply to coaches. I think they could even be considered  bullies in some ways because they can say whatever they want and everyone one on the team just takes it, and if they don't like it they can quit. I've seen a coach yell directly in a girl's face over a mistake she made in a scrimmage. She took it, shed a tear, but never let the coach see her cry. I remember being scared to go to practice everyday because I didn't want to be publicly humiliated. Sports used to be fun, but they became the place where I hoped I could leave with my dignity still intact. I never understood who taught her to coach that way, but now I realize that her actions were never learned behavior. The coach was in a position of power which made her think it was her right to act that way because it was just the role she was playing. That's not a valid excuse in my eyes. She hurt so many people and didn't care, so she should take responsibility for her actions just like the guards in the experiment. In the end she'll have to live with her choices in life and that includes her coaching choices.

The sad thing about the whole situation is that the Stanford Prison Experiment showed that every human being is capable of becoming evil when they are put in a position of power. However, that doesn't mean that everyone has to follow this pattern. History won't repeat itself over and over again if more people become informed and realize there are better ways to get their points across. I know that I work harder for coaches and teachers that I want to impress, and most of the time they are the ones who respect  everyone and they don't punish, they push. I just hope that if I'm ever in position of power I won't become an uncontrollable monster that says and does things just because I can. I will spend my entire life trying to avoid becoming my old coach because I would hate to have someone feel this way about me some day.

The Meaning of Beauty

When did beauty become so fake? It is so sad that our culture puts so much importance on people looking perfect. Perfect isn't beautiful it's fake, and no one should feel like they are not beautiful because the have "flaws". My friend referred me to this inspiring website which can make anyone realize that there is actually more to people than meets the eye. SixBillionSecrets is a website where people can post their secrets and the top voted secrets make it on the website for everyone to read. The posts reveal what normal people are going through and surprisingly you might even find a secret you can relate to or one about someone close to you.

Marilyn Monroe
http://www.gallerym.com/work.cfm?ID=201

One of the biggest topics on SixBillionSecrets is self-esteem. Almost every time we see a famous person in the media they are hiding behind makeup or their touched up image. If celebrities are not wearing makeup people make fun of how normal they look. The bullying doesn't stop there, however, some shows spend a majority of their time making fun of celebrities who don't get nose jobs or Botox. Look at Leah Michele's situation. Apparently her nose is too big, so she is constantly picked on for choosing not to change her face. I think she shows a lot of confidence by not giving into the critics. She should be a role model for kids, but it hard to be an inspiration when everyones making fun of you.

We're living in a world where people can't be pleased with what they see in the mirror because of what they're comparing themselves to.  Young adults are starving themselves to look like the size zero celebrities and models they see in the media. Who determined that extremely skinny means beautiful? People don't come in one size, so why is skinny considered beautiful today when it wasn't in the past? Did you know that Marilyn Monroe was actually a size 12? She is considered one of the most beautiful woman in the world, but during her time she was above average. I wish our culture could go back to those days when beauty wasn't determined by your weight. I know people like to look at good looking people but Marilyn Monroe proves that every size is beautiful.

We all need to start redefining our views on what's beautiful. No one is ever going to be perfect and what makes us unique is our personalities. Today we can change what we look like if we're not happy, but it's important to remember that we'll always be the same people on the inside. There is no surgery to get a personality fixed, so take pride in who you've become, not what the media wants to see.